k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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