I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
sarcasm needs its own font
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You made out with two different species that night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
