He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
