i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
