I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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