and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
