barbara walters just said penis...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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