my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
