I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Randomize
