Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
