YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
