Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
