Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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