Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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