he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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