I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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