from now on my penis is your penis
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
