Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
