The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
