WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
