Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
