SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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