You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
