yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
