Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
