We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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