Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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