theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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