I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I supernannyed him into submission
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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