you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I smell like Dick and happiness
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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