i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
