It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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