So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
