Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
