she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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