the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
