everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
