addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
