The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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