I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
