I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
