ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so much tequila, so little girl.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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