Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
