ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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