So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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