Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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