Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
