If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
