I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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