You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
