well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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